I get where they’re coming from, but it’s still not great being a guy and only getting vague signals that you’re trying to piece together. Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.
While it may ultimately be those man children who ruin it for everyone, some upfront honesty is generally very appreciated.
While it might feel rough for you, it’s worth remembering that a lot of women have faced very real threats of violence for their upfront honesty.
If you’re only getting vague signals then maybe that’s the sign that she’s not fully into you.
I feel like this is very dismissive and also ignores that lots of relationships do inevitably start with vague signals.
“Yeah, well, women have it worse so your feelings are irrelevant and it’s okay if they ghost you.”
As I said in my original comment, I get it. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s a difficult situation for men.
Being dismissive of men’s feelings and not letting them talk about how dating is difficult for them isn’t helping anyone.
I think there’s three main reasons for vague signals.
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They legitimately don’t know how they feel. Maybe they kind of like you but aren’t sure. Recommended: do not pursue. Find someone who is enthusiastic about you. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who can’t make decisions and doesn’t know how they feel? It’s exhausting.
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They are afraid or uncomfortable, and are trying to avoid upsetting you. Like the comic. Enough men will do just that or worse if they get rejected that being polite can seem safer, even if it makes me man feel like he’s getting mixed signals. You know you’re not like that, but they don’t. Recommended: same as above.
2b. You are talking to someone who can’t leave like a retail worker. Stop bothering the person who can’t tell you to fuck off.
- They aren’t thinking about you at all. Like one time they’re happy to go bowling with you but the next time they blow you off on biking. What gives?? Mixed signals?? Nah dude she just likes bowling.
Love this. Especially 2b. I hated this about working in a cafe.
I’m only talking to you at all because I’m being paid to do so. I’m only smiling because my job is customer service. I’m being nice because you’re a fellow human, not because I want you in any way
I’m only smiling because my job is customer service.
That in many cases smiling is mandatory is a revolting part of customer service in the US.
There’s also a sort of 1b. They’re into you but are playing games like “hard to get.” Again, do you really want to be with someone playing games with you? It’s exhausting.
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I didn’t intend to be dismissive and if my response sounded that way then I apologise.
I agree it’s difficult to be on the receiving end of vague signals, but my perspective is if there’s any annoyance or frustration it should be directed at the violent/angry men who have caused women to feel unsafe.
Helping women feel safer by tackling the violence and misogyny directed at them by men will benefit everyone.
The main thing for me is to remember it’s not personal. When a stranger treats me as a potential threat, it is not an insult to my character.
Being treated as a threat by someone who knows my character, is an insult to my character.
But when a stranger models me as a stranger, it’s not personal at all. It’s not about me. Not a reflection of who I am.
Yeah, for men the likely worst case scenario is embarrassment, women can get straight-up beaten or murdered
If by “embarrassment” you mean “getting arrested or your entire career and life ruined by sexual harassment accusations because you accidentally made someone uncomfortable”. Don’t act as if men are giving up dating in record numbers over “embarrassment”. It’s disingenuous. They’re giving up because guys like the one in the comic cause women to view them all as “creeps”.
How common exactly is someone getting arrested for sexual harrassment just for asking a woman out?
vague signals
If a woman gives me vague signals it’s a sign that she’s not right for me. Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no. Which is fine, I’m okay with being alone. But I’m not going to chase someone who hints that they’re into me, because I’m too damn old for that shit.
Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no.
This must be said more frequently. This is the correct attitude. You may be alone longer, but you haven’t terrorized anybody. It’s a net win.
I feel like signals of interest are being conflated with Consent/approval of a date here
No, it’s not. If I’m talking to someone and they look disinterested, that’s not a “hell yes.” If they’re standing there while their four-top is waiting on refills, that’s not a “hell yes.”
A “hell yes” is them asking me questions, or sharing a relatable story. It’s them smiling and looking at me when I talk. A “hell yes” is me asking “would you like to talk alone” and her saying “hell yes.”
Get used to being alone. Learn to love its freedom and spontaneity, and then find someone who’s better than that who says “hell yes.”
women get like that when they’re rejected too.
Thank you. This is just a reaction shitty people can have regardless of gender. If their fragile ego can’t handle a rejection they go to anger and insults immediately. So bizarre.
Seriously, all the same ‘plays’ too:
- lol rofl you think I was actually asking?
- you’re ugly anyway
- (if the rejection is based on you already being in a relationship) she’s ugly, you’ll never find someone as hot as me
- (if you’re single) you’re gay/you’re a f*ggot
- (slur related to your race, more common if the rejected is of a different race)
Oh no, emotions! I sure hope there aren’t some damning statistics about how many women die for saying no.
There aren’t?
Young fellas; as a not so young fella who some say used to fuck: Don’t be a dick while thinking with your dick.
It’s that easy. You be you, be whatever you’re interested in, and just use your goddamn eye balls to read if the person is uncomfortable. If they are, smile and fuck off king. Keep it going; don’t be a dick and watch that aura work and that dick get wet.
But remember, you have to genuinely not be a dick. Be yourself, be assertive or not, there’s someone (many someones even) for everyone and never mind the bullshit rules 1 and 2 you self-deluded fucks.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
You’ll be happier, the people around you will be happier, and you will fuck and feel good about it while making others feel good about it. Simple secret.
Don’t. Be. A. Dick.
Yeah as a woman who gets plenty of women. Women want to fuck too. If the lady you’re hitting on isn’t reciprocating that’s cool find one who is.
Also your mental and emotional shit being together is way more attractive than it has any right to be. I’m not kidding, I’m moderately attractive but the fact that I can take no for an answer, clean my bathroom, and introspect on my emotions does wonders with the women already attracted to me.
Remember you aren’t gonna turn a no into a yes, but you can turn a yes into a no or a no into a restraining order.
This and just not accepting a “no” have been the most common responses in my long lifetime.
Though during the soviet occupation there were also way too many cases of them reporting you to the soviets for some “corrective rape” and/or a trip to siberia because clearly you would be gay if you weren’t interested but that’s thankfully not a thing anymore.
There’s a reason women avoid just outright saying no even if all men wouldn’t react this way: The ones that do make it dangerous.
Unironically women should be able to say no instead of just ghosting nonstop, just say literally anything. Communication benefits both sides
But also that implies women aren’t giving reasons or saying to back off and those are just being ignored or twisted. Do some women ghost? Yes I’m certain. Is every ghosting you hear a man talk about actually a ghosting? No I’m very certain because I recently had a friend go through this where she kept telling a guy that she’s not interested in ways that were trying to be nice about it as he’s an emotionally unstable gun nut and he just didn’t get it until she point blank told him never to reach out to her again, never to speak to her again, and then had a male friend say the same.
The whole thing reminded me of the missing missing reasons
yeah, would be nice, but won’t happen when there’s such a big chance the guy might snap and attack them. obviously women aren’t stupid and quickly learn to avoid being attacked.
How often do these attacks happen in real life? I am genuinely curious about the statistics and occurrences as I have daughters and want them to be safe.
I would say you want them to be prepared for people that won’t take no for an answer in a variety of situations. Understanding boundaries and when people will push and manipulate them, this is a real good skill to have in life in general as well. It doesn’t hurt to have a repertoire in self-defense. But yeah, it happens fairly often if you aren’t assertive and often enough even if you are.
1 in 2 women will experience some form of sexual harassment during their lifetime. This ranges from verbal harassment, like in the comic, to stalking, doxxing, assault, rape, and in rare cases even murder.
1 in 4 women will experience sexual assault—that is, rape or attempted rape—during their lifetime.
Keep in mind these are reported statistics. Also keep in mind that the more serious issues usually are perpetrated by someone the woman knows.
Something else to mention: 1 in 26 men reported sexual assault. While women do make up the overwhelming number of cases, men can be victims too. The main difference is women are far more likely to be physically abused or killed.
I don’t really see the point of being mean. Most humans want sex. Just move on to those that want it with you. It’s not a rejection. Just a mismatch.
It is a rejection. No reason to bend the language.
The key thing is a rejection doesn’t have to be some judgment on your whole self worth. It’s a problem when you put so much energy into it.
Instead of waiting until you’ve written your whole life story with her in the role of The Mother of Your Children, or The One Who’s Gonna Make You Cool Via Sex, just think of her as a girl it might be fun to hang out with this afternoon. And if she doesn’t want to, no biggie.
It’s investing all this energy, turning the asking out into this big emotional event, that’s the problem.
Girl: Sorry, but I’m not interested.
Guy: Stupid fat removed slut!
Who responds like that?
Edit: Removed unnecessary statement.
You’re not a woman I’m guessing
I don’t have to be a woman to know that men generally don’t respond like that. This is silly.
I’ve never seen a man respond like that to being rejected, ever.
Do many men hit on you? Are you smaller than them? If not, that could be why you don’t see it happen.
Of course most men don’t respond this way. But of those people who respond this way, most are men.
ITT: men who refuse to believe women. Like every time.
We live in a world which contains certain individuals who make millions of dollars by pretending to be perpetually victimized. A little skepticism is natural. I don’t expect you to fix that, I simply expect you to acknowledge that the problem of shitty men like the one in the comic is a problem of a similar scale and will not be solved overnight. And also that it will not be solved by demonizing men.
