Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.
scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch
Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.
If it’s the uline jumbo rolls my work gets… Please don’t.
Your asshole will thank me
You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.
I rarely physically shudder from text
I too try to only shit on company time
They’re called union shits around here. Even if you’re not in one lol.
Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.
My wife keeps telling me that…
Why? What is she planning for your anus that requires callouses? You should inquire. That sounds suspicious!
Just know that she won’t answer and I’m scared.
Do you need us to call someone for you?
Sounds exciting!
If you don’t use a bidet, your butthole is already calloused. I learned this the first time I pooped in a normal toilet after getting my bidet.
I think this is the worst thing I’ve ever read
Thank you, and you’re welcome.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?
Does it flake like a French pastry?
I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth
I’m fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.
Nor should they ever again.
It’s a terrible day for Canada, and therefore the world
The toilet paper or his asscheeks?
Plus side, it’s basically impossible to clog your toilet with that stuff. It’s effectively pipe grease.
My old work ordered everything from uline, and I started bringing in my own TP specifically because of how awful it is to use that tissue paper.
Legitimately feels like tissue paper that people stuff gift bags with.
But at the same time, almost slippery.
And you WILL know if you creased the paper the wrong way, because it WILL stab at you with the force of ten thousand teeny tiny needles.
Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.
How much TP did you use to use? I’m usually in the 2-4 squares range, which is usually enough to get a clean wipe. I imagine I’d still be in that range w/ a bidet, I’d just be a bit cleaner. My trick is to buy non-crappy TP, so I don’t need to double up (Costco brand is the perfect mix of strong and cheap).
One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one
That is a solidly decent neighbour.
At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.
Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.
The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).
RIP your plumbing.
I just have a garbage disposal at the bottom of my toilet. I turn it on before flushing for the “bigger deposits” 🌀
Oh so now people are too privileged to have a poopknife around?
Get you some class
💯he stole that from a public bathroom
If it’s a public bathroom are you actually stealing from it?
Yes. Same as if he took the toilet home with him.
But it’s public property.
Yeah, the person has removed the public property from the ‘public’ and made it a private property.
Public property means owned by the public, not “free item”. If you make it private it is stealing from the public.
what if you open your bathroom up to the public after taking the toilet
I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!
“You can’t spare one square!?”
I don’t have a square to spare!
Well, is it two-ply? If it’s two-ply I’ll take one-ply, one measly ply.
If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn’t you? That’s just good sense right there
Get the double length loo roll. Because of maths, it’s not twice as wide even if it’s twice as long, but you have to change the loo roll half as often. You will not regret this transition.
Someone’s university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll…
This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.
It sure ain’t my university. Nobody wants to steal sandpaper so thin it rips before you even look at it
I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I’m set if it happens again!
Wouldn’t that get absolutely covered in shit particles by the time you get to the middle?
What happens at your house?
Haven’t seen the Mythbusters episode eh?
To be fair 1 flush with the lid open and you’d get a nice particulate smattering on everything.
Inside your lungs too. You breathe in poop, think about it.
Everything in your house is covered in shit particles. Best just not to think about it.
And many more things along with shit.
I’m no germaphobe but the increased exposure time of that roll does disturb me. A normal roll gets maybe two dozen flushes or so before running out, that jumbo roll is being showered with hundreds of flushes.
I mean, do you keep your toothbrush in the bathroom? Lol
No. My place has a closet right outside of the bathroom and we have 90% of our stuff in there.
Fair enough! I’ll take my poo particle covered toothbrush and go
and bugs climb out from the root of the eyelash follicles and eat your skin at night, when they crawl back in to lay eggs
what, do the shit particles BURROW through the outer layers of paper? you’re only ever getting one flush worth of shit particles unless someone in your house is shitting without wiping.
Do you see the large side of that huge roll? And you do understand that toilet paper is absorbent, right?
yeah, it absorbs liquids quite well because of surface tension and the capillary effect. are you under the impression that individual particles of shit are ducking and weaving their way all the way to the center of that roll from the outside edges?
So
twistturn it…
Asses to asses, flush to flush 🤷
Yeah you don’t want shit in your shit
Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match
McMaster-Carr catalog.
Whole Earth Catalogue
Shopping in bulkStealing in bulk
You use it like a knife-sharpeners’ wheel.
For the poop knife?
Behold! The UTIcontractinator!
