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This cartoon can’t exist. Urinal etiquette requires:
That you should have one empty urinal between you and the next guy if at all possible. And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
And that you look straight ahead and never look to either side of you. You must stare solely at the wall straight ahead of you. Thoughtful establishments hang pictures or current sales flyers at eye level to look at while peeing.
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there. So there is absolutely no way this cartoon can happen in the real world.
Because everyone everywhere always follows etiquette without fail?
In the men’s bathroom, violating any of these rules of etiquette brings the death penalty.
death peenalty
Jes it is an instinct, written into the Male DNA…
I’m a guy who can pee confidently for minutes and I always like to look around when peeing. Oh, and I’ll get the urinal that’s the closets to you, that way I don’t have to scream when I’ll start a discussion with you. Yes, I’m a bit of a pervert.
Whoever drew this, had never gone to an urinal in his life
Just don’t shake it more than twice while its in your hand and the police needn’t be involved
No matter how many times you shake it, the last drop will still end in your pants
Tust du schütteln oder stoßen - der letzte Tropfen geht in’d Hosen. Ancient German proverb.
I lived in a house once that had a urinal and it was the best thing ever, especially for the first pee of the day. Normalize home urinals!
All houses have at least one urinal. The cool thing is, you’re also able to wash your hands in it afterwards!
Yeah no, other people use that thing to put their hands, toiletries and so on
It was a joke
I just pee outside.
Use a urinal while wearing shorts and you’ll change your opinion. I avoid them as much as I can preferring to sit, but sometimes that option is worse than the urinal…
Well, it doesn’t work so well with morning wood, but at all other times I aim toward the bottom so the pee’s hitting the back wall at less than about a 30° angle. I guess compared to sitting there’s gonna be more splash back, but even with shorts I don’t really notice anything. I’m sure it’d be different if you power blast the wall or base at 90°.
Maybe it depends on the urinal? In the US I have seen urinals that basically reach from the floor to your waist, which I imagine involves some splashing. Here in Europe I’ve only seen the ones that are way smaller, around waist height.
Those aren’t so common due to cost. But those have the advantage of allowing someone who is tall and someone who is short to be able to comfortably pee.
Well. This comic certainly isn’t making it easier.
Why are you reading comics at the urinal while you’re trying to pee?
jokes on you guys I’m reading this while peeing on a regular toilet where I can relax
It helps me relax. Usually.
HEY @[email protected] IS JUST HOLDING HIS WEENER
And a phone.
I don’t understand why they don’t just install partitions. One that goes from the very bottom to the very top. A thin plank would do it. Not these 50cm pseudo partitions. That’s why I prefer to use a cabin when a lot of people are peeing.
Come to our uni. Each toilets at our faculty have the first cabin be a urinal for some reason. Real nice if you a re a shy pisser.
My trick for dealing with “blushing bladder” is a Palovian response on myself. I realized I had certain pee triggers. Long story short, there are certain places and situations that cause me to need to urinate. So I figured why not use a word as a trigger? While at home I began saying the trigger word just as I felt the flow begin. Every time I pee, I say the word. My blushing bladder went away. Some of the music venues i frequent have urinals literally elbow to elbow so it’s awkward but there’s no trouble when I say the trigger word. The only problem now is people look at me weird when I’m looking at my dick saying “shazam”.
I do the same type of thing, but I just swish saliva around in my mouth. For some reason that gets my mind off it and next thing I know, I’m peeing.
Gomer, is that you?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
The only evidence of the “grand gay conspiracy” people keep talking about is the existence of bath-tub (multi-user) urinals.
I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid when my redneck racist homophobic dad would drag us to the dirt track to watch other drunk rednecks race each other in their first track cars… Hang on…
Yea nah, that is not a sexy situation.
I would have thought trough over tub… but i guess that depends entirely on the type of multi-user you’re going for…
Count the number of tiles in front of you, solve some math problems in your head, think about what to do next saturda- shit, some guy just moved next to me. Is he looking? Maybe I should pull out my phone and check lemmy. …but then people will think I’m recording them piss, and the fact that I’m still not pissing will further justify their suspicions. Maybe I should just pretend to have a small coughing fit and that’s why I can’t pee. But then people will start looking, and maybe even worry I’ll spray them accidentally. Oh the guy finished peeing. I’ll just wait until he leaves the room then. Oh another guy just entered. Well, he doesn’t know anything so I’ll just pretend I finished peeing and hold it in for the rest of the day.
I always look at the smallest distinct shape at the wall in front of me (spots mostly do the trick) and start imagine shapes in it, like looking at the clouds. The world around me then just zoom out and everything turns liquid. Don’t even need drugs 😄 Though a couple of beers help immensly
Look at the tiles and imagine the grout lines are an infinite grid of 1 ohm resistors. I wonder what the resistance is between two points a knight’s move apart…dammit I’ve been standing here for hours again
This guy ohm’s
I sometimes think that maybe as a society we’d be better off relaxing nudity taboos or something.
For me its the pressure of someone waiting to use it after me, especially when its a lot of people like a packed pub or break time at a show/live music/event etc.
The amount of times if have pretended to have finished, gone washed my hands a walk out only to wait 10mins to go try again…it’s not that it’s just that public toilets are an uneasy place and therefore it’s hard to relax, especially when standing up at a urinal instead of sitting down
You usually sit down at urinals?
I dunno even pets like dogs have to make eye contact with their owner while shitting to feel comfortable and they know nothing of our puritanical ways.
Most dogs view their humans as pack alphas, and in nature they feel vulnerable to attack while they’re shitting. So they look to the alpha to see that they’re safe. They don’t so much want you to watch them as to look beyond and behind them so they can see your reaction if something starts approaching.
I upvoted, but mine’s a sighthound and she don’t care…
Only sometimes?
Totally agree. Or maybe there could be a little fig leaf dispenser by the urinals so all the shy guys can hide their junk from god whilst they micturate.
You do know it’s not a requirement to use the urinal, they also have private pee booths as well.
Us normal pissers also listen to the booths when we suspect a weener-holder.
That’s why I act like I’m pooping. I’ll sit down and make grunt noises while aiming my piss at the side of the bowl so no one hears I’m actually peeing. Because that’s less embarrassing than knowing you all think I’m too afraid to piss in front of you. I even pull toilet paper out and wipe it on my thigh so all you actual Weiner holders believe I’m wiping my ass. Who’s the fool now? Not only was I too afraid to pee in front of you, I convinced you I was taking a manly shit while you probably nodded in approval at the other Weiner holders next to you. Check mate.
Oldest trick in the book. But you haven’t thought about the smell!
Thats why you allways carry some older poop with you
That’s why randomly drop change into the bowl to make people think I’m doing a twozy.
Yeah if you want to wait a lot longer
I said. I can’t HEAR YOU PISS!
“Nice watch”
Do people really struggle this much to urinate? It seems crazy to not be able perform a basic bodily function like this. I honestly had no idea. Though, I do question why one of these two isn’t following basic urinal etiquette. One stall between, otherwise use a toilet, otherwise wash your hands first and then, if no one has moved, you’re allowed to ride side saddle.
Some dude used a urinal right next to me with five urinals available, and I stared at him until I finished. He never looked at me. Come to think of it, I don’t know if he started peeing until I was done, but that seems like an edge case. His fault though.
Edit: wow, given the quick downvotes, it looks like it’s more common than I thought here on Lemmy, and it appears I touched a nerve! Lol
I’m going to start bringing a stopwatch into the bathroom and very obviously start it when someone sidles up to the urinal. 😆
I don’t know what age you are, but if you’re too young to have known, some people have medical conditions that make them struggle to pee.
I don’t think this is medical conditions. I think it’s just people shy about urinating. I just didn’t realize how common it was.
Everyone look at this guy. He can piss under extreme pressure. We should all aspire to be him
under…pressure…?
vanilla ice riff
You mean Queen. Vanilla Ice simply
stole“sampled” the riff.
Yes, the extreme pressure of… using a public restroom. 🙄
Just because you don’t have any issues doesn’t mean other people don’t. I, myself, have a lot of anxiety when it comes to using urinals and have trouble sometimes. Why? No idea. Having to piss doesn’t override the anxiety, so you just end up feeling miserable.
Yeah, I just didn’t realize it was so common. Sorry, that sucks. Are you an otherwise confident and secure person?
Yes, other than pissing I’m pretty confident.
No,. I have no idea why peeing in private is important to my lizard brain. It wasn’t when I was a kid.
It’s okay. Sorry I got snippy back at you. Funny enough, most of the time I feel as if I am very confident and secure. Naturally as people do I have my times where that slips, but I’d say 80% of the time I’m cool as a cucumber
No worries, I think a lot of people thought I was being an ass instead of honestly just having never thought about it. I wonder if it has something to do with growing up in a big family and playing sports and stuff. Like, I think I just became to desensitized to it. If I needed privacy to pee, I would probably wouldn’t have peed through all of high school and college lol.
The amount of time I’ve dumped a whizzer while someone was right next to me, talking to me, or once while two other people were in a tiny bathroom at a party… at bars where there was no urinal and no door on the stall… that last one was a pretty notorious bathroom, because like I said, the stall had no door, but also the door to the bathroom itself was a pair of those swinging doors like in wild west movies. I’ll admit having to take a shit while you could still see the people at the bar was pretty awkward. One of my favorite dive bars. 🤣
Questioning is also not allowed.
Lemmy is a silly place.
It’s proving to be Reddit without the random intellectuals.
It’s not a choice. It’s like some primal instinct or something.
Edit: urinals don’t typically bother me but if you try to talk I’m done. Can’t do the troughs. It’s not insecurity it’s just a little privacy and peace is nice.
I’ve heard jokes about it, but I didn’t think it was a widespread thing. Doesn’t the need to pee outweigh the fear of… well. Whatever the fear is I guess? What exactly is the fear?
I feel no fear or anxiety at all at first. It just doesn’t come out if someone is next to me. The fear and anxiety comes afterwards when you’ve started taking a little bit too long. I think a lot also has to do with reduced bladder pressure as you get older or get chronic back issues.
Got it. Well, I’m sure it doesn’t help, but I don’t think anyone notices if someone is or isn’t making pee noise. I think that’s kind of the point of the comic, i.e., that never happens because no one is timing your piss cycle (I hope!).
For me, I just don’t like having my genitals out when other people are around. It’s not about whether they’re looking or not, it just feels uncomfortable being exposed. Same reason I don’t use public showers at gyms and such.
Oh everyone’s looking, bro!
Also never had an issue with urinals. I can also talk to others while peeing. But I’m also used to be nude at the sauna. If there’s sufficient urinals available I keep at least one free but if someone stands next to me, I don’t care.
stopwatch
Try it at home, too. It takes 21 seconds to pee. It’s freakishly accurate throughout the animal Kingdom. My theory on shy bladder is that our brains know how long it takes, so when we take a while to start, everything compiles and we get nervouser and nervouser as we approach that 21 second limit.
I just use the stalls, but that’s mainly because I’m self conscious about my peeper, and I’ve seen enough cruising in the men’s room porn to be worried about Looky loos /s
While I’ve said no one is paying attention to you if you’re not peeing – and I think it’s largely true, I’ve never really noticed if someone doesn’t start peeing; I guess I would just assume they were stealth peeing against the side of the urinal – I have to admit I do notice those old guys that stand there for like five minutes leaking it out a spurt at a time. They seem to defy the 21 second rule.
I’ve never used a urinal. it’s weird and also some of them are disgusting, they almost guarantee splashback
edit: are, not ate
If you’re eating at a urinal you’re doing something wrong
lol
