You can’t fool me, that’s a Battletoad.

That’s a lion.

Please recycle faster.

Q: Real Estate?

Exactly this.

Some days I just give up and eat cheese as a meal.

Enjoy prison, fucko.

Not the hero we deserve. The hero we need.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSoCld6kVKE

The Onion now engaged in a land war with reality.

Electrical engineer: “what was that other guy thinking?”

Software engineer: “What was I thinking?” (It’s code from last night)

wakes up in 2036

“Oops, we started losing money. NOW we regret our actions.”

To Cinnabon I go…

I don’t think those outlets belong outside.

Two character immediately infordumping to each other as if that’s how humans normally communicate.

“Are you ready? This is going to be a hard job. As you know, they’ve tightened security but we got a man on the inside. As long as does his job then it’s smooth sailing.”

“I was born ready. Eveeything will be fine as long as the shipment is on time. As you know, we put a tracker on the lead car and I can watch exactly where it is from this device in real-time.”

People quickly forget how exactly the first Star Wars movie made Lucas rich.

They already know all that.

walks in for an interview and hands them my documents

“This isn’t your CV, this is…”

Me: “Adoption papers, yes. Make me your son and I will bring a lot to this company.”

under their breath “Damn, he’s good.”

“Just one more thing before I go… what was the shape of the cheese that went missing that night?”

I support your supportiveness. Consider this formal acknowledgement that you do not suck.