Russian President Vladimir Putin has suffered an emabarassing setback as his feared Satan 2 nuclear arsenal failed four out of five missile tests, according to arms experts and satellite imagery from the launch site.
High-resolution satellite images of the launch pad at Russia’s Plesetsk test site, where the RS-28 Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile exploded, shows extensive damage.
A crater approximately 60 meters wide at the launch silo at the Plesetsk Cosmodrome in northern Russia, along with visible damage in the surrounding area that was not present in images taken earlier in the month.
Who would have thought that simply robbing an entire nation and giving all the proceeds to your corrupt friends would lead to an inability to manufacture practically everything? TIL
And I bet the ones who had an issue with corruption tended to be more competent than those who were ok with it, biasing those who sent to gulags or slipped out of open windows towards those who could compensate for the corruption.
I’m sorry the hwhat?!
I know that a nuke would literally create a hell on earth but there’s no way you can name the fucking thing Satan and not be the bad guy.
They didn’t. They named it “Sarmat”.
NATO also had reporting names for Soviet weapons. IIRC surface-to-surface missiles start with “S”. A few are rather…less-than complimentary, “Satan” – the name used for the weapon that this replaces – probably being the most so.
This missile doesn’t have the reporting name “Satan 2” for NATO, though. The only link it has with the original surface-to-surface missile with the NATO reporting name “Satan” is that it’s supposed to replace it and so Western media, which very much enjoyed mentioning “Satan” wherever possible, dubbed the new missile “Satan 2”. But it’s not an official name with NATO or Russia, just something that the media uses for the clicks.
The original missile:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R-36_(missile)#R-36M
The new one:
No wonder the media is using Satan II. NATO hasn’t given it one or is just referring to it by number. I’d do the same thing if I was reporting on it.
They gave it one. It’s just not as evocative as “Satan”:
NATO reporting name: SS-X-29 or SS-X-30
Well they couldn’t very well call it the Sexy 29.
No you can’t, because Russia can’t get it up!
I’ll show myself out…
Stupid sexy ICBM…
Found a Techpriest
NCD might
Sounds like a Tesla model or one of Elon’s kids.
NATO hasn’t given it one or is just referring to it by number.
I’m not surprised the media went with Satan II.
Sounds like NATO should name it “Stupid”
But really we should name all nuclear weapons Stupid anyway.
The Kremlin is probably happy to hear it called Satan. They’re getting desperate and empty threats of global nuclear war are one of the only cards they have left.
Extremely angry at my military for naming it’s unlimited genocide machine “Big Evil Monster” rather than “Widdle Fuzzy Bunny Wabbit”.
Almost don’t even want them to use it anymore.
You should work for the Royal Navy.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Dainty_(H53)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_Tickler
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_*removed*chafer_(1915)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flower-class_corvette
Just to name a few.
Can just give it a simple code. We don’t need fun names for this stuff.
We actually need the fun names. The point is that barely-educated Private Joe in the military remembers what it is and how it looks like, and does not mix it up with other things if he sees it.
It’s not a nickname, it’s an official reporting name.
Satan 2 literally is a nickname.
The official NATO reporting name is SS-X-29
I wonder how China feels having a North Korea on both sides of its country.
Meh, ij mnay ways China IS north Korea, I doubt they have issues with it.
its north koreas all the way down?
Hey, north Korea’s nuclear missiles work
deleted by creator
That’s what happens when you start the war, people who have the capabilities to build it are also the first to get out of the country
I would be absolutely terrified of it.
If I lived in Russia.
Thing could blow up and throw radioactive material everywhere.
ok slightly unrelated but the satellite pictures have an insane resolution for having been taken from, you know, space
Just imagine what the government has if that’s what’s available commercially to the public
We know from Trump’s heedless shitposting that they can get the theoretical maximum resolution out of whatever aperture they have. For the US ones with the Hubble-clone mirrors that means not quite enough to recognise a face.
The heedless shitposting for those who don’t remember: https://www.npr.org/2022/11/18/1137474748/trump-tweeted-an-image-from-a-spy-satellite-declassified-document-shows
It’s amazing that one person can do so much crazy shit even that’s forgettable.
I bet no one remembers even a quarter of this list: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racial_views_of_Donald_Trump
still scary AF
IMO it’s one of the least worst forms of surveillance. Keyhole 69420 might be able to see you’re outside, but the NSA sees everything you put in Google, especially the embarrassing things.
Just gotta hope they are not pointing the thing at you…
I mean, it’s hard to avoid any number of other, closer cameras.
for one thing, it’s mostly just lensing, and for another, it’s also partially due to the atmosphere of the earth actually working in tandem with the lensing of the satellites themselves. Dont ask me how it works but from what i understand, seeing out from earth is harder, but seeing in from space is easy. Something to do with the way that light refraction in the atmosphere works or something.
the weirdest thing about telescopes (essentially what these are), is that you can just put a hole in them, and they’ll still work just fine. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlan_J._Smith_Telescope#Vandalism_damage
i imagine a bit of that is a software trick
Try to copy Ukrainian missile from 58 years ago
Fail
Second greatest military in the world!
Second greatest military in the world
I think they might be second best in Russia by now lmfao
Third best after prigozhin.
Has Wagner done anything since Jeka’s definitely not suspicious death?
I think I remember hearing in Jake Hanrahan’s Popular Front podcast in an interview that they have all been absorbed into the regular army.
They were hunted down a couple of times by Ukrainian spec ops in Africa.
Try to copy Ukrainian missile from 58 years ago
When both Russia and Ukraine were part of the USSR?
Second greatest military in the world!
The USSR hasn’t existed for >30 years, since then, Ukraine and Russia have done little but feed on its corpse. Does anyone honestly think modern Russia has a better military than China?
Good point. Failing to copy your own missile would be even worse, though.
Does anyone honestly think modern Russia has a better military than China?
A good number of people did until early 2022. It looked a lot better on paper.
A good number of people did until early 2022. It looked a lot better on paper.
You are technically correct, the best kind of correct.
I mean the jokes comes from somewhere.
To try to be less technical, I’d go as far as saying it was a double-digit percentage of public commenters. I remember because I was there thinking how dumb that is.
A good number of people did until early 2022. It looked a lot better on paper.
Did it? I remember a ton of propaganda about Putin and Russia going back to the Obama era, but then they’d show off stuff the USSR had developed to fight a war in Germany/Ukraine against late 1900s American equipment and tactics.
Whereas China was showing off their modern fighters, tank and ship production, and an entire branch of the military dedicated to missiles, and greater numbers than any other military, all designed to fight their next war; defending against/driving the US out of it’s back yard.
If you’re talking about the whole “human wave” thing in WWII, the ex-Nazis made that up for their memoirs. The old AskHistorians subreddit went into it once; basically the USSR fought the same way everyone else did.
I think the smart money was still on China post 2010 or so, but there was actual debate. They had a lot of old weapon stocks, and a still respectable population, if not as huge as China’s.
If you’re talking about the whole “human wave” thing in WWII, the ex-Nazis made that up for their memoirs.
Ironically, there actual cases of human-wave like attacks in WWII, notably banzai charges by Japan and MacArthur’s Walking Fire.
Walking Fire is new to me. It sounds like it’s pretty much an older term for suppressive fire during an advance, from a quick search. Do you have an example of it leading to massive attrition like that?
The Japanese liked to do it as a last resort sometimes, that’s definitely true, and it was the plan if the home islands were invaded. In practice, I have no idea what proportion of those civilians drilling with melee weapons would have been dumb enough to try it IRL, though.
Ukraine has done a lot more to move forward then Russia ever has.
The USSR couldn’t have achieved a fraction of what it did without all its SSRs working together.
Hell it probably wouldn’t have survived getting invaded by every country with a military after WWI without both Russia and Ukraine.
And? I only said the Ukraine has been doing more to increase the quality of life for its citizens then Russia.
Also, it’s a pretty bold claim to say that EVERY nation with a military has tried to invade. I’d like to see a list of that.
it’s a pretty bold claim to say that EVERY nation with a military has tried to invade
It’s only the slightest exaggeration..
Between 1915 and 1920, they were invaded by: United Kingdom, France, US, Japan, Italy, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Greece, Serbia, Romania, China, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, The Ottoman Empire, and I’m sure I missed a few more.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_Russia_intervention
Between 1915 and 1920
Not at all relevant to any current events.
The point was that it’s silly to try to divide up and assign individual responsibility for the achievements of the USSR 30-100+ years ago when those achievements were only possible because Ukraine and Russia were part of a greater whole.
Czechoslovakia certainly didn’t invade in the traditional sense, because:
- The troops were there before the bolshevik revolution with the agreement of the Russian government and on the way out of Russia when they were attacked.
- Czechoslovakia didn’t exist yet.
It’s kinda wild to claim that the US invaded Russia when they literally only sent one contigent of troops. That’s like saying Canada invaded Afghanistan.
Canada did invade Afghanistan though?
True the engineering were always done In Ukraine, Russia just got carried by the others nations
.ml moment
No, the .ml moment would be something like “don’t believe your lying CIA eyes, all the non-Western nations are working together in beautiful anti-imperialist harmony and very competent”.
This seems like a normal take from someone who happens to be on .ml.
Most propaganda isn’t that obvious. It often seems normal and a lot of it is actually based on the truth.
Internet “anti-imperialists” wish they were getting paid, which is what propaganda implies. In reality, it’s Qanon but gay-friendly.
Yes, well said. Many of them are just useful idiots.
I expected a .ml to show up huffing copium when I saw this thread, wasn’t disappointed. So predictable.
It’s copium to acknowledge that Ukraine and Russia were part of the same country 58 years ago, and that modern Russia and Ukraine are able to achieve far less than the USSR was? This is evidenced by both countries primarily fighting with 30+ year old weapons.
I guess basic historical literacy is tankie shit now.
Ever consider rooting for a team that isn’t fascist?
It can be great fun, trust me.
Satan 2? What is this high school missile competition?
Almost. It’s NATO propaganda.
I’m always curious about anti-NATO people. What is it about NATO that you don’t like? I’m not very familiar with exactly what they do, but my understanding is that they are a defensive organization. They wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Russia’s expansionist goals.
Maybe I’m misinformed. Why the NATO hate?
Calling something that’s not good to have delivered to you after a figurative evil being… yea buddy that sure is some propaganda.
You act as if the actual ‘weapon’ is designed to re-seed old growth forests and clean aquifers instead of vaporize a sizable chunk of people/buildings.
is russia testing nuclear arms again?
US tested a Minuteman III missile out of Vandenberg earlier this year. It was not carrying a nuclear payload. It’s fairly common for countries to test missiles. Some countries broadcast their intent publicly so as not to accidentally trigger a retaliatory launch. Others don’t broadcast publicly, but they do communicate via the good-old-boy net for the same reason.
Hey Russia, we’re launching a nuke missle with the nuke removed in your direction. Just testing we swear!
This may be off topic, but I absolutely loved reading about Minuteman III guidance system.
And unlike all those “missiles by subscription and good behavior” that many big countries sell to smaller countries, it doesn’t rely on any satellite system or external corrections after launch.
BTW, I wonder what’s inside Russian ICBMs. People often say that all the Russian big cool projects in defense after breakup of the USSR are just finished Soviet projects. If that is true, there must be an awfully complex, but geek-porn-ish thing inside, possibly with analog and maybe even mechanical elements. If that is not, it’s still interesting. Right now yes, Russian military engineering relies on many foreign (NATO countries produced in fact) components. But that didn’t become a thing immediately, so I wonder how did they solve problems.
So, basically their post-soviet tech is all unfinished Soviet designs the soviets could never get to work, with a few western chips thrown in to do the math and control they could never manage.
the soviets could never get to work
No, just what was in progress.
“A few western chips” for military grade applications would be not too easy to get for some time, and USSR and then Russia could produce them, and the process of plants producing such closing was very slow and lasted till late 00s. It’s not the difference between a project stalling and moving further.
It’s the most recent stuff we hear about relying on Western components.
to do the math and control they could never manage
USSR with all its shortcomings did have functional nuclear shield, a space station, domestically produced computers (clones of Western things, yes, but that was a strategic decision, a stupid one though), a space shuttle analog that was arguably better. So “never manage” is usually not the reason for its failures. Economic inefficiency and administrative rot are.
Sort of. The ICBM rocket delivery system.
The US is developing a new ICBM as well.
ok so they’re not “testing nuclear payloads” then. That’s good to know. I was confused as to what they meant with the title.
If they ever do test nuclear payloads, thats going to be a nightmare.
The US at least regularly tests its missiles. They shoot from California toward a Pacific island into a painted target.
Modern ICBMs are insanely accurate.
yeah, that was why i asked about, testing missiles is not weird at all. Testing nuclear bombs would be very weird.
Nukes are tested on super computers since the treaty band.
Except for North Korea while it was catching up.
that’s the general strat, but nothing competes with real world testing fortunately for us, having tested thousands of nukes over the years.
Ya but not with a nuclear nomb just a dummy payload.
I’m sorry, the what missile? I know there’s already “hellfire” missiles, but proclaiming a sequel to Lucifer Morningstar seems a bit silly.
It’s just the NATO designation. Official name is Sarmat.
It is not the NATO reporting name, as I detail in my comment. That’s associated with an older missile.
The SS 18 MIRV missile (and later versions) right?
Misread as Sharmat.
“Oh shit, Dagoth Ur?!”
Thanks Satan
But it passed one, huge success
The question is, did it pass the first one or the last one
No one wants to be at the receiving end of the Russian roulette.
Really hard to adhere to quality if money is being pocketed at every corner and then spend outside the hellhole you created.
How many L’s is this man giving himself?
‘Satan 2 missile’
“Ivan, are we the baddies?”
Yes, the people in NATO who make up these propaganda terms are also bad people.
Why are you covering for the fascist government of Russia?
Dude is a fascist cunt, what do you expect?
Everyone said I was daft to build missile in Russia, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It blew up on the launchpad. So I built a second one. That blew up on the launchpad. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then blew up on the launchpad. But the fourth one stayed airborne! And that’s what you’re going to get lad, the stupidest named missile in all of Russia
What, the [Iron] Curtains?
