• Smoogs@lemmy.world
        27·
        3 months ago

        Swimming in public pools works. Your body stops reading children expressing joy as an alert. And just regular crowd noises stop being an anxious trigger. Then it becomes easier to just be around others.

        Or just try walking around in a busy mall regularly to get used to people in public places

        • zerozaku@lemmy.worldEnglish
          6·
          3 months ago

          Visit a ‘third space’ at a consistent time weekly, e.g. coffee shop, bar, library, gym (note: the point is not to practice pickup lines, it’s to get used to being around people. If you go regularly, you’ll start to feel comfortable with the other regulars)

          Level 1: Go outside Level 2: Go outside regularly Level 3: Respond to interactions Level 4: Initiate interactions Level 5: Make friends

          I wish I could get to Level 2 at least.

            • zerozaku@lemmy.worldEnglish
              3·
              3 months ago

              I think they happen naturally if you are visiting same place weekly at the same time. The waiter/cashier/or anyone who is regular to that coffee shop would try to initiate some interaction with you.

              • aStonedSanta@lemm.ee
                2·
                3 months ago

                This is a good idea. Also if you find an employee that is nice. Tell them the truth. You are trying to work on socializing. You’d be surprised a lot of people really are happy to help you if you ask for help 💜

            • aStonedSanta@lemm.ee
              1·
              3 months ago

              I’ve found when I’m feeling comfortable in public I notice other people’s belongings and can relate it to why I might want to interact with them.

              Like if at the store I see someone with a band T-shirt I like I’ll try to just mention to them I’m a big fan and like their shirt. Is it gonna crate a friendship? Who the fuck knows. But I spoke to a stranger. And it wasn’t weird it felt friendly and nice 😊

              • peopleproblems@lemmy.world
                1·
                3 months ago

                Actually the one time I spoke to a girl in the past 6 months was about her BMW. We actually had a good short conversation. What was funny is that when I asked her “hey, is that your BMW?” Because I didn’t see her get out of it - her response was “Yes, why?!?!” In a bit of a panic. So even bumpy landings work.

                Thanks for that bit.

                Maybe I’ll go to a local coffee place and just order my white chocolate mocha, and do it enough to say things to people.

                • aStonedSanta@lemm.ee
                  1·
                  3 months ago

                  Yes! People might respond with initial anxiety and fear. Simply due to surprise. But I’ve found smiling and calm tone can help transfer that into a normal exchange rather than me freaking out internally this person now thinks I’m a rapist/murder cause I said hello 😆

        • Fades@lemmy.world
          5·
          3 months ago

          Alcohol is not a solution it’s a crutch, you’re not going to get better at social interaction by getting drunk. Yes it helps take the edge of but that edge will never stay full and when you go without alcohol you’re starting from scratch because all those other times you weren’t training your muscles but instead leaning on a crutch.

          What you suggest is a gateway to dependency

        • peopleproblems@lemmy.world
          1·
          3 months ago

          See the problem with this is I currently can’t drink alcohol because of Wegovy.

          Not that it like will kill me, just that I have absolutely no idea how 1 drink will affect me. It’s like quantum boozing, I will not feel it at all or for about 15 minutes I’m going to be drunker than I ever remember.

          • Fades@lemmy.world
            3·
            3 months ago

            Booze will only ever be a bandaid and will not help you adjust via exposure therapy as was suggested above. You’re not making progress when you’re drunk so when you’re not you’re starting from scratch

    • EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works
      11·
      3 months ago

      Or do the opposite, immersion therapy.

      Pour superglue over yourself and glomp the next person you see. After two weeks, you’ll be used to being around other people

    • wreckedcarzz@lemmy.worldEnglish
      15·
      3 months ago

      Bob, I’ve told you, the bank job was a one-time thing. We got away scot-free. Stop trying to fuck it all up by getting the gang together for “just one more time”.

      Bob, crying in the corner: im just so lonely

    • vithigar@lemmy.ca
      18·
      3 months ago

      It no longer working is basically the entire reason I’m here now. I paid $2 for “rif golden platinum” while sitting in an A&W back in 2013 and absolutely got my money’s worth from that purchase. The mobile Reddit experience is such utter misery in comparison it baffles me that anyone uses it at all.

        • Psythik@lemmy.world
          3·
          3 months ago

          There’s ReVanced for a lot of popular apps. YouTube Music ReVanced fixed my major complaint with YTM, where it would play music videos in audio-only mode. Plus the adblocking meant that I could finally cancel Spotify (but I bet there’s a Spotify ReVanced as well).

  • TxzK@lemmy.zip
    15·
    3 months ago

    I wish. I would be cute at least. But I only get to be antisocial :(

          • Thatuserguy@lemmy.world
            13·
            3 months ago

            Anxiety is stressing about interactions and how they’ll go. Worrying that you’ll upset someone or say something wrong, or just even not knowing what to say next in a conversation. Thinking that people will make fun of you or hate you for who you are. Potentially even avoiding such interactions to “prevent” these manufactured possibilities.

            Irritation is more like “Holy shit this dude has been rambling about inane bullshit I don’t care about for the last 30 minutes and isn’t getting the hints I want him to stop and go away. Please just shut the fuck up already so I can go back to focusing on what I was doing”

            • Smoogs@lemmy.world
              3·
              3 months ago

              It really depends on both sides of the interaction and what’s happening with the individuals.

              I’ve seen ppl tolerate some very annoying situations and manage it quite successfully and don’t let it annoy them .

              Then There are people out there that monopolize conversations. That in itself could be a form of narcissism and lack of consideration. Conversely: your own Irritation could also be because you just want your interests discussed or want to be the topic and can’t tolerate things that aren’t about showcasing to you or about you. This again could just be more narcissism than legitimate irritation. a battle of egos even.

              Or it could be you’re tired. Or hangry. Or burnt out.

              The difference is when you realize a rational reaction to someone and if you can let shit go and not let it annoy you so much. Also if sleeping or eating something and you forget why you hated that person so much.

              It’s worth stepping back and asking yourself why you let this petty shit get to you though. Others are gonna be who they be with or without your approval.

              • Thatuserguy@lemmy.world
                1·
                3 months ago

                For me personally, I just am and always have been a really big introvert, and my social battery drains very quickly if I’m stuck in a social situation I’m not interested in because of it. If I start giving you signs that I’m tired of talking or that I was trying to focus on something important that you’re distracting me from, and you still keep going anyways, then I start getting irritated.

                If I was better at politely but firmly telling people to leave me the hell alone when that battery drains it probably wouldn’t be as much of an issue, but I also don’t know how to do that without feeling rude.

                • Smoogs@lemmy.world
                  1·
                  3 months ago

                  Leaving you “the hell alone” right there, tells me you are not speaking as an introvert. You might have introvert traits but that doesn’t speak on what it is to be introverted alone.

                  You sound like youre emotional all about it. angry enough to get upset. This seems more anxious. Introverts don’t have issues socializing and they don’t see it as a chore where they get fed up. They recognize that they need to take a break, they take one. They don’t lack empathy or acknowledging other people in a situation just to concentrate on run away feelings. It’s easy to extract when you’re not upset. You got something else going on.

    • smb@lemmy.ml
      13·
      3 months ago

      Does anybody have a real answer?

      the answer is: probably not. this might be very personal and then the only one who “could” have a real answer, is the one asking for one.

      but ideas do exist

      what if you want social interaction but what “they” call social interaction actually is not what you want?

      maybe you don’t want group interaction but instead a single friend to go out and maybe do stupid harmless stuff or watch sth instead?

      groups always are different, also people behave different when in groups.

      maybe one just choosed the wrong ones to interact with. society has lots of subgroups, some even toxic by their own wish. maybe better choose more wisely.

      maybe learn to cope with your personality not beeing ready yet to be part of a group by adding yourself to it slowly?

      maybe these are answers, but if they are real ones, who knows?

    • Vibi@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      10·
      3 months ago

      There’s a social spectrum. There are varying levels of asocial- one being demisocial. Demisocial people want interaction, but normally with a close few people that they have a strong bond with. Put someone who is on the asocial side in a large group and they’ll get overstimulated and overwhelmed. It takes time to figure out your social tolerance and what pushes you over the edge. Some people will encourage asocial people to desensitize themselves by forcing themselves into social situations, but that can be extremely unhealthy for them and lead to burnout. There’s nothing wrong with anyone who doesn’t like huge social settings… Some people just don’t like accommodating others so they make it a you problem. Finding your people can be hard and lonely, but it’s far more fulfilling when you do.

    • trainsaresexy@lemmy.world
      6·
      3 months ago

      Here’s another answer!

      a) we want to be social

      It’s in our nature to want to be around other people. It helps us feel safe, create a sense of belonging, is amusing, and provides us with rich experiences that are hard or not possible to achieve on our own. Lots of simple reasons why people want to hang out.

      b) but we have an ego

      But everyone is walking about with a very intimate/personal concept of self that instructs them how to behave, how to feel, how to respond. Our feelings and thoughts in each moment are shaped by our sense of identity. Our identity isn’t actually a fixed, immutable thing. It is constantly shifting, working to conform or be different or just prevent itself from collapsing entirely. The self responds to the environment the same way out bodies do.

      c) being social

      So we’re home alone and wanting some company because we’re feeling lonely, but then we arrange ourselves to spend time with others and suddenly our self is on high alert because it’s being observed by others. Am I being genuine? Do people like me? Am I talking enough, or too much? Do I look ok? Did I wear the right clothes? Can I share this opinion? What should I say about that? Every conscious thought and unconscious pattern is at play, pulling and poking your sense of self and it can be disorientating and scary.

    • aStonedSanta@lemm.ee
      1·
      3 months ago

      Yeah. In my case it’s a mix of my ADHD/probable autism competing with each other.

      The ADHD makes me crave novel social interactions that have a lot of emotion and joy.

      My autism makes this seem exhausting. Half the time it causes me to cancel before I can even achieve my ADHD plans. And it leaves me feeling way WORSE than if I have never agreed to do the thing because now I’m flaky to people that actually are okay spending time with me that.

      So now I made plans. Got excited. Ruined them. And potentially damaged a friendship.

      It be hard out here when your brains doing it’s own shit.