I trained (for lack of a better word) my husband to wash the cast iron without wrecking the finish. He used to leave it soaking, I didn’t freak out but told him that was bad for them and he could just toss them into the oven dirty if needed and I’d deal with them (like you, I am the cook not the clean) but then he’d want to make eggs or something and the pan would be dirty so he asked how to. I got a chainmail scrubber and he loves doing it now because he loves the chainmail scrubber. Like - I will sometimes use soap on mine because I can judge the finish but he will not put soap now, will only scrape and has begun to love the pans too, after so many years he realizes because they never wear out just get better.

I did have to reset a couple of mine once, burn off the seasoning and sand them and restore and yes they looked like this picture. It was terrifying but they got great again. Such durable goods they are!