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Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 24 days ago

Texas Instruments Adds Gold Jesus Button to Calculators

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Texas Instruments Adds Gold Jesus Button to Calculators

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Dispassionate@quokk.au to The Onion and other satire w/ layers@sh.itjust.worksEnglish · 24 days ago
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Texas Instruments unveils a gold Jesus button for calculators, giving students one final option when math, logic, and showing their work have failed.
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  • Widdershins@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    Finally something to cancel out the SIN button

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      24 days ago

      OK, now that’s funny. I added your joke to the article, and a little credit at the bottom.

      • Gerblat@lemmy.world
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        24 days ago

        @[email protected] @[email protected]

        Legends, the both of ya

    • massive_bereavement@fedia.io
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      24 days ago

      Oh, I thought it was a memory function cuz Jesus saves.

    • fonix232@fedia.io
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      24 days ago

      What happens if you use both in an equation?

      • rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        24 days ago

        You get a nice TAN

      • Themosthighstrange@lemmy.world
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        24 days ago

        That’s mixing god and science together which would be an an abomination to most christians. Or if you are dan brown it’s just normal bookstory

  • thenextguy@sh.itjust.works
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    24 days ago

    That’s the Save button.

    • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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      24 days ago

      “Hold on, I gotta QuickJesus just in case.”

      • Klear@piefed.world
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        24 days ago

        DAMNATION! NO DONATION, NO SALVATION!

  • redhorsejacket@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    Shared with my godfather, a mathematician at a Catholic university with a calculator collecting hobby. The only way this could be any more up his alley is if there was a Star Trek joke in there somewhere. XD

    • rustydrd@sh.itjust.works
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      23 days ago

      Look at what the button on the bottom right says.

  • chillpanzee@lemmy.ml
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    24 days ago

    There was a time when this would have been obvious satire, but these days you just don’t know.

  • ThePantser@sh.itjust.works
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    24 days ago

    ICE agents immediately subdued and shot the calculator.

  • Zier@fedia.io
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    24 days ago

    If 8 people, standing in an octagon, press those buttons at the same time, at midnight, the rapture activates.

    • Manjushri@piefed.social
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      23 days ago

      Do they have to be Christians? Because if not, I can round up seven more people real quick and finally be left behind in peace.

      • Zier@fedia.io
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        23 days ago

        Any human will do as long as they can push a button.

  • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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    23 days ago

    It subtracts the tip from your restaurant bill.

  • Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net
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    24 days ago

    My breath has been smelling like onion way too much lately

  • adarza@lemmy.ca
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    24 days ago

    so, google’s “i’m feeling lucky” but wired into an ai.

  • Hemingways_Shotgun@lemmy.ca
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    23 days ago

    It’s a Voltron of irrelevancy. Two things that have been rendered completely useless in a modern world, mushed together.

    • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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      23 days ago

      Hey, buttons aren’t useless. You watch your mouth!!

      • Hemingways_Shotgun@lemmy.ca
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        23 days ago

        As a lover of 70s/80s sci-fi, I agree. But how many of us still carry calculators around?

        • Dispassionate@quokk.auOP
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          23 days ago

          You’d carry it if it had a solid gold Jesus button. But no, it’s not gold. It’s the same paint they use on Trump’s toilets.

        • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
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          23 days ago

          I keep a Casio scientific calculator in my work bag. Because sometimes I have oily hands and need to do algebra.

  • Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    Is that the Muslim one?

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