I am in Australia, and I had an NDIS cleaner. she used to come once a week and my house was mostly pretty clean. I lost her, and now I have to apparently do the cleaning myself. I really am incapable of doing it. They told me that I am physically capable of doing it, so i have to do it. I can’t do it. My house is a fucking mess. stupid government. Anyone have any suggestions? Like to get over the executive dysfunction crap? I tried habitica, and it worked for a short while, but now I’m back to chronic ED.
thanks.
Inviting people regularly over worked pretty well for me, like hosting a weekly game night. I don’t have the energy to do so while working unfortunately, so my place is also a complete mess right now. Calling someone to have a body double while cleaning or doing other tasks also helps. Hope you figure something out!
thankfully i live in govt housing, so house inspections are only once a year. which is good and bad. if they were more often, I’d be FORCED to clean or get kicked out. but it’s also good, because i can’t clean. Might see if my support workers will help me every so often.
Is your house dirty or just cluttered?
The flat I share with my lass is pretty messy but it’s not dirty.
The dishes are done once a day or so, laundry when the basket is full. The main problem is the floordrobe
It’s laundry day today in fact, but I’m still in bed doomscrolling…
We’ve got two rabbits which are pretty much free range so I clean them up regularly - they mainly just spread hay everywhere.
I tend to break down bigger tasks for each day of the week. Laundry is today, rabbit hutches tomorrow. I’ll probably do the bathroom on Thursday, kitchen Friday.
Might not work for everyone but it’s definitely less overwhelming
honestly, it’s dirty and messy. I hear you about the rabbits. I have two cats, and I always make sure they’re looked after. I clean their trays every day, feed them, try to play with them as much as i can etc. but the rest? doesn’t happen :/
I’m pretty good at laundry though, so I got that going for me!
As long as you or the cats don’t smell I think you’ll be reet
well, I clean up poopies as soon as the cats do them, and wee wees are at the end of the day, sometimes in the morning too. so it’s not too pongy.
Maybe try to divide “cleaning” into smaller, seemingly more doable tasks? And get to them throughout the week? “Today I’m doing all the dishes and organising the cupboards, tomorrow I’m cleaning the bathroom, I’ll take the bin bags out the following day…”. Maybe give yourself a little treat after cleaning?
I have my habitica set up so that it’s not one big task, but littler tasks. it doesn’t really help :( But thanks for the advice. I ALWAYS do what my cats need, like feeding, cleaning tray etc, but it appears I put them above my own well-being. so i dunno
I’ve often found in my life that the unavoidable things drain my executive function enough that I’m not left with any for the important but technically ignorable. My solution was ultimately ADHD meds, Adderall. It gives me the executive function I need to do mandatory things, get work done, clean something in my apt, and still have the energy to stay out of bed after I’ve done all that most days (without it, sometimes the thought alone of knowing I need to do xyz but don’t have the energy/function for it is enough to send me back to bed and asleep).
It’s not perfect and sometimes an especially bad mental day can’t be overcome with meds but the daily average has been life changing.
I got assessed for ADHD, and the doctor (whom I’d met only twice, for 45 minutes each) said no. But my psychologist (whom I’ve known for 3 years) is adamant i have ADHD. So i might get a second opinion, if ever i can afford it. that’s what i want. I want a life changing med. Something that can get me back to work. :(
Anyway, I’m glad you have something that helps you a lot of the time :)
Anyone who looks at crippling executive dysfunction and goes nah that’s not ADHD or treatable with the stimulant meds prescribed specifically for that struggle to millions of people to great success regardless of any arbitrary ADHD label is a bad doctor and should absolutely be ignored in favor of a second opinion.
thanks for the reassurance. I’m on welfare, so until the GPs can do adhd assessments (which is happening, but i have no idea when), or i win the lotto, a second opinion is not gonna happen. Hopefully GPs can do it very soon, because then it will be either free, or very low cost. I just paid $1600 for a no to ADHD. I’m wrecked financially.
That sucks and sorry that happened to you but keep advocating for yourself and asking about the GP assessments as that will likely be a big break for you. At the same time, meds are no magic bullet so everything you have already tried will also still likely be part of a medicated future, you will just get better at making use of and sticking to them to keep you in check.
Sorry, hope someone comes up with better advice. And I do the same thing! Can’t just let that poor living being suffer the consequences of my poor executive function. 🥲
My cat is happier when things are clean. She has more space to run around and can lounge wherever she wants. Maybe use your cats as motivation?
If you could find a way to involve the cats with all the cleaning tasks, or train the cats to do the cleaning!
haha. I’d love if my cats cleaned up after themselves! they’re always leaving litter behind after they go dunny. rascals!
Figure out what’s eating you and deal with it. There’s always something. There’s always a path forwards out of every bind you can get in, you just have to find it by knowing yourself. I don’t know what flavor of autism you are, but a lot of artists I know have issue feeling their feelings, which is the first step to unclogging yourself.
I also have trouble feeling my feelings. I can identify the most basic of basic ones, like scared, or depressed, but that’s about it. I have tried working on that with therapists and shit, but i never have been able to identify what I’m feeling. So… that sucks.
lot of autists have good experience dealing with this with the help of psychoactive substance, not sure of the law/access to that in austrailia but stuff like a small dose of shrooms/weed/lsd etc. in combination with therapy has been shown to work wonders untangling the mess of internal problems we seem to have. a really good therapist/pyschiatrist should be open to the idea
unfortunately, all that stuff is illegal here, and I don’t want no drug charges :/
it’s illegal in most of the states but you can normally find a therapist/pyschiatrist open to it, if they’re familiar with the studies showing effectiveness
You can access cannibis products from a specialist in Aus. I use quite a high dose. On ndis also. Helps me function.
I have an ex who really found herself with mushrooms. Not my thing at all, but I’m happy she is able to understand herself well that way.
And for adhd, they generally prescribe stimulants.
I know a lot of autists also find solace in cannabis or even alcohol.
You gotta be careful with this stuff though. Addiction is fucking real, and it can really ruin your entire life and people around you. I don’t know what you’re really like, so I can’t responsibly give you any safe advice on this topic other than to take the risks seriously.
Feelings can be really hard, period. Then if you’re neurodivergent it’s harder. And then if you’re depressed or something else, that’s even more difficult. And if you’re younger, you’re basically still new to being a human, like running the tutorial trying to figure out the controls and hud system of the game.
So try not to feel bad about that.
Sometimes you can kind of infer your own feelings based on an analysis of your situation. It’s not 100% accurate and can definitely mislead you sometimes, since everybody isn’t the same. Some people feel at home in a garbage heap or cozy when things are cluttered. I’m a bit of that second one since I’m adhd and like things to be immediately available and not put away wrongly, but get overwhelmed and I’m also a bit avoidant.
A lot of this stuff is trial and error, unfortunately. Try to maybe figure out the basic “good feeling” and “bad feeling” feelings, and if maybe try to figure out if you’re feeling closer to one or the other. A good way to do this is to try to break down feelings into a THIS or THAT question. Like, if you wake up in the morning and something’s different, you can ask yourself, “do I feel closer to good? Or bad?” Sometimes it can help to try to envision the feeling from memory to see if it feels similar.
And once you can put yourself nearer to one than the other, and maybe even by how much, you can work out further details from there.
But, one step at a time.
I really think that understanding yourself is very important.
You could also go watch autistic YouTubers or whatever to see if anything they talk about resonates with you.
I like https://youtube.com/@genericartdad, but again, everybody is different, especially when it comes to this sort of stuff.
Try not to get sucked into his depressing political topics. That shit will 100% drag you down and make you feel not good. I suggest just sticking to the autism stuff he talks about. He has a playlist of it. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfRRWDptN6Nuau-Gm6ApWdK90TpvJWZyr
Is there something you can do in parallel? I find listening to podcasts helps with tedious tasks. I will also sometimes have the TV on (works best if it’s a show or movie you’ve already seen, then it’s enough to keep the brain engaged but not too distracting/doesn’t matter if you miss bits) when doing things like folding the washing.
ADHD here with AuDHD wife, so please forgive me if this doesn’t help you. The only thing that helps me is breaking down tasks into smaller and smaller bits.
I have absolutely made myself a deal that I will go to the kitchen, turn the light on, and check the dishwasher to see if there’s dirty or clean dishes in there, and then I can go back to my desk and take a break if I need to.
I find that often enough if I can get myself to go to the room that needs the work and to make the barest start, I can almost always do a bit more. Maybe only unload and load the dishwasher, but hey, that’s a load of dishes done if I can do that.
Stuff collects on the floor in part because I’m a wheelchair user and it’s hard to reach the floor. So I have grabbers to help. And again, I will say - get a grabber and pick up a single piece of trash and I can take a break. And maybe I won’t do the whole apartment, but I’ll get a room done.
It works in part because I really will take the break if I need to or want to and I know it. It sometimes doesn’t work because I also know very well that I don’t have to do any of that stuff if I don’t want to.
I’ve tried that. Habitica was helping a LOT. but then, like all things, i lost interest, and now it doesn’t exist. But thanks for the advice :)
I started with the smallest task imaginable, and left it there until I finally felt the desire to ramp it up. Pick up one thing. That’s all you have to do that day. Even if 10 more things took its place immediately afterward, you still did something. Tomorrow pick up one thing again.
It took a few weeks, or even months in some cases, but if you’re like me, you might eventually start saying “well, while I’m doing that, I might as well also pick up this other thing” and all of a sudden you’re picking up 2 things.
Just let it ramp at whatever pace you want - the goal isn’t to get there quick - hell, the goal isn’t to get there at all, really. The goal is just to do something, and if you eventually decide to do something more on your own, that’s awesome.
Are you me!?
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People with ADHD can only work on tasks if they are one of the following:
- Urgent
- Interesting
- Novel
This is probably why Habitica fell off for you. The novelty wore off.
I myself have had decent success with the ‘Pomodoro’ technique (work for 20 minutes, break for 5 minutes. Repeat that 4 times, then have a long break). Alternatively, perhaps you could add ‘urgency’ by setting a daily alarm which means you have to clean right then?
my ED is so bad that i can’t even read/listen to books :/
But thanks for the suggestion
Hmm even with soft and slow voice? I slow it down quite much and it really makes me almost crave cleaning… well almost
