As of today, someone born in 1999 was the same age as Marilyn Monroe was when she was born. Makes you think.

You light it, then inhale from the skinny end.

This is my new go-to insult, you flocked up white-faced scop.

They’re really beautiful.

I think you mean:

Fidel Castro playing basketball getting boxed the fuck out double-pumping under a failed Eastern bloc into a silky smooth finger roll in Bulgaria, 1972

We need video.

Oh, I was just planning to steal their PS5 and flat screen.

TIL the ISS astronauts are sitting ducks.

“About that whole ‘thy neighbor’s ass’ bit, you’ve gotta see this…”

You mean the company known for titles like Sega Bass Fishing and Virtua Cop? Whose company color is blue? Yeah, they’re not even subtle.

Makes you realize how much we all take for granite.

I like this version. Very to the point.

Couldn’t have been much clearer, but nobody bothers to read the published articles:

I don’t cry.

Until I do, then I REALLY cry.

Hot pizza rolls straight from the oven = DIY popcorn ceiling.

Tom was spying on Little Bo Peep.

Not just any guy, but Marilyn Manson, who used to play Paul on The Wonder Years. I’m not sure what was more shocking, learning about this, or learning of Mark Paul Gosselaar’s fatal motorcycle crash. Taken from us far too soon.

Pretty sure the realtor was supposed to handle all of that.

He looks ~400 years old.

TIL a cucumber is a banana.

Teachers, too. The firms placing substitute teachers in schools are so shockingly awful.

I hate Facebook. Haven’t used it for years, but a bare-bones profile sits there because of VR. But now I had the shocking thought of trying it for dating, because the alternative is the shitfest that is the Match Group monopoly on personal relationships. Neither is terribly appealing. Sucks.