One of those brilliant concepts that seem obvious when you read them but you never think of them yourself.
I’m pretty good at absorbing zingers like this. I find that it’s not big revelations that we need, but something tangible we can build off of. This is something like that - it’s profound and simple at the same time. A lot of truth packed into one line. You can work with that.
? What I said was meant as a compliment - sorry if it somehow came across as a “zinger”.
It looks like they meant the thing that was posted when they said zinger
This.
Mind worms. Not the RFK style, but bits of info or perspective that worm their way into your brain and change how you think
That’s a dangerous way to live. It’s how we get echo chambers of people unwilling to challenge their own beliefs.
I disagree
I think you’re looking at it the wrong way here. I quit going to my dad for advice at a young age because he was a narcissistic shithead. I still let his criticism have an effect on me. Once I stopped caring what he thought, my life got better because I had less anxiety attacks, and felt a lot better about who I am.
It’s about picking who actually has your best interest in mind when finding who can criticize you.
But lots of people seeking advice are alsonseeking validation, consciously or not. So they end up seeking advice from those who will tell them what they want to hear. If they also then choose to disregard criticism from anyone else, they never get honest feedback.
Much like the advice ‘don’t eat the yellow snow’ requires you to not be colour blind, the advice ‘only listen to those worthy of your respect’ requires you to be capable of telling the difference between compassion and obsequiousness. Both are good advice, but there are prerequisites which may preclude the handicapped.
I wouldn’t be surprised if most people asking for advice aren’t actually looking for solutions. They just want their decisions validated.
It’s a possible way to develop get echo chambers - the trick is being open to listening to both criticism and advice rather than taking only one of them.
I was just about to say something like that
This is just the slightly less evocative, “Your boos mean nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer.” -Rick Sanchez
Apt comparison.
Moral of the story, Fret not the opinions of morons.
This one really makes me think.
Once again it’s the premise that’s fucked up and not the conclusion: both advice and criticism aren’t something one should take only when one chooses to, and never without thorough inspection.
And now I imagine the sort of person that walks through life actively rejecting advice and criticism except from a few selected peers. Yep, I think I cracked this one.
The point is that you need to figure out which advice and criticism is useful. You shouldn’t dismiss everything but you shouldn’t accept everything either.
In my interpretation, this is not about “I know better than everyone else” but about “That person has hurt me so much in the past. Maybe I should not take their criticism to heart anymore.”
Most criticism tends to be useless, unfair, emotional venting or social posturing; with the intention to manipulate or denigrate. Finding someone who gives good, targeted, and neutral criticism is extremely rare. Mostly you end up having to guess and extrapolate someone’s true, actionable feedback from their criticism, while filtering out criticism that was never applicable in the first place
You don’t take criticisms well, huh?
What do you mean?
Is it that simple to not just take the criticism? People often criticize without asking for their advice. If it was that simple to ignore (not take) that everyone would be happy.
Ignoring is one strategy. But it’s one of avoidance and won’t work all the time. Most of us will have these people in our life situations from time to time, the unsolicited advice givers. They may have something else to offer besides their “wisdom”. You can’t always ignore them entirely, depending on circumstances.
I take it to mean that you can give yourself permission to not take any and all criticism on-board if you really want to. You don’t have to take that thought and make it part of you.
“Op woke up and chose logic” is just so painfully 2015 speak
Would you rather I chose violence?
Logical violence
For me, It depends on their expertise. If a mechanic tells me my brakes are going out, I listen, but if they try to give me medical advice, I’ll be more skeptical.
Surely that follows into the same point? You would go to then for mechanical advice, and should be receptive to their criticisms within that area, but less so for their medical advice.
Plus I’m not sure my mechanic telling me my brakes are going out counts as criticism.
Except, hear me out, imagine they are a trusted mechanic. So if they say “hey, I’m not a doctor. But the mole I had that looked like that turned out to be cancer” - you might schedule with a dermatologist.
I would seek a mechanic for car advice
“I wouldn’t take your advice so I won’t take your shit”
What if you don’t go to anyone for advice…
Sometimes you should listen to others even if you dont want to hear the anwser.
Yeah there’s a fine line between being discerning and ignoring people giving you good advice because you’re too egotistical to believe anyone could give you advice.
Get better friends??
Some are incapable, some also just want to hear what they want to hear and never anything outside of their perview
I mean someone who doesn’t know how to cook can still taste when something is wrong. They just can’t differentiate between a fixable mistake and a disaster.
I think we’re closer to asking someone who can’t taste to judge food sometimes.
In your example, you would be taking criticism of your steak from someone who would tell you to serve it with ketchup. If you wouldn’t serve your steak with ketchup, then you don’t need to be concerned that they don’t like your steak. Sometimes people are just incompatible.
That’s not asking for advice though. That would be “how do I improve the taste?”
Crop the two useless replies
done.
You’re not my mom!
But without the example responses included, how will we know how to react to the content???
idk how I feel about that!
laugh track
but, but… I don’t know you and wouldn’t go to you for advice!
What if I would, but I don’t like their advice?
I’ve had 3 friends tell me I should get on anti-depressants. I will not.
My therapist hasn’t suggested I take anti-depressants. And she has seen me when I was extremely sad. And I don’t want to get fat.
Or go through reduced libido more than I am already expecting too on HRT.
What if I would, but I don’t like their advice?
If you only do what they advise when it’s what you would have done anyway, that’s not taking advice, it’s just hearing confirmation. The idea is not to let people’s negativity mean anything to you unless their positivity does.
This one’s been getting thrown around for a long time now and it’s not exactly my favorite approach to addressing criticism.
Did you just… critisise the critisism?
People dont live this way? If an individual doesnt prove themselves knowledgable and virtuous when asking for help or advice why the hell would I listen to their critiques?
A lot of folks around here have social anxiety and things like rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It makes us take everything to heart a little too much.
