Former Rep. George Santos, R-N.Y., who was expelled from the House of Representatives after being indicted on 23 federal counts including fraud and misusing campaign funds, pleaded guilty Monday in federal court to two of the charges.
The Long Island Republican faces a mandatory two-year minimum sentence after pleading guilty to wire fraud and aggravated identity theft. But Judge Joanna Seybert estimated the term could range from six to eight years behind bars when he is sentenced on Feb. 7, 2025. Santos also agreed to pay nearly $374,000 in restitution.
Santos had faced trial in September on charges including laundering campaign funds to pay for his personal expenses, charging donors’ credit cards without their consent, and receiving unemployment benefits while he was employed.
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And I’m the count of having Superman’s donated penis, how do you plead?
Santos: guilty your honor!
…and in regards to the wobble on Earth’s orbit due to an unforseen force, what is your plea?
Santos: guilty, but that’s because I wasn’t used to carrying around Superman’s super dong. I simply sat down on the toilet as usual and it happened. I’m a NASA scientist and did all the calculations and it’s true, your honor, my enormous penis caused the wobble out of orbit.
W…what?
I concur that dude dropped a memetic hazard into the internet like the fucking chaos insurgency.