He’s in a hoodie, take him out!

Hey, that geiser was three times over the legal limit. It was hot acid and whiskey.

The day a dildo comes with WiFi and an integrated accelerometer. The vibration function is $7.99/month. For an extra $3.99/month, it extends three inches. I’m not sure why I joke about that, I’m sure it’s already a thing.

That’s quite the reach. It certainly could have been the McDonald’s propaganda of whose details I was fully aware, but it was more likely the “My Mac and cheese took too long to cook” suit, the “Texas Pete isn’t even made in Texas” suit, the infamous “$54 million because my dry cleaner lost my pants” suit, or any of a litigious litany of loonies trying to sue for exorbitant sums of money over minor inconveniences.

Space junk comes through your roof and you want the damages repaired? Cool. McDonald’s not included.

I hate frivolous lawsuits as much as anyone, but this seems very reasonable. Fix my stuff and let me keep the piece and we’re cool.

I’m embarrassed that it took me two days to get this.

Aside from a back alley, where do you find a doctor to perform this?

Palin was my exit from the party. I was too young and influenced to realize Bush was a goober, but after Palin opened her mouth years later, I made the Seinfeld theater exit and haven’t looked back. That was a slippery slope and they went straight Slip 'N Slide down it.

EA charges for the last four letters, they’re DLC.

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We paid for cable and streaming services too. They’ll milk us to dust, then run ads on the remaining pile.