US and Germans (with some French celebrity prisoners) fight other Germans. My favorite part of this battle is when the French superstar Tennis player vaults a castle wall and runs through enemy lines to ask for reinforcements.

One time I couldn’t get a jar of jelly open so I smashed it. There are definitely better ways.

I’ve been playing trombone for 23 years. There is no 0th position.

I always thought of Belgians as being swamp French. It’s the Dutch who are swamp Germans.

I’m a brass musician and an atheist so the only time I go to church is when I’m getting paid. The last time some Mormons approached me about going to church I asked them, “What’s the pay?”

They were genuinely confused.

I don’t think there are grizzlies and polar bears in Florida. Maybe in a zoo?

That’s the game!

I like to play a little game when the bus shows up: 5 minutes early or 10 minutes late?

This movie is dedicated to the brave freedom fighters of the Mujihadeen

Gotta wait a sec for Niko to put on his seat belt

I’ve seen Jazz apples in stores around Southeastern Pennsylvania. They’re pretty good, but my favorite is Pazazz apples. They’re similar in size to Honeycrisp but sweeter with a bit of tartness to them.