Uhh, I may not be the sharpest software developer in the shed, but I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for here. By the sound of it, you’re looking to build and deploy an entire e-commerce website without any JavaScript at all, correct? Which makes me more than a little curious about what you’re expecting to use instead.
Nothing can help you now. You are one with the cheese and the cheese is one with you…
Actually, yeah! The High Geologist would probably make for a way better warlock patron NPC. Since patrons don’t necessarily have to be divine cosmic entities HG could totally be a crazy strong wizard/ druid. Bonus points for stupid easy plot hooks (go fetch me the heart of a mountain, dragonfire obsidian, etc) quest rewards (just imbue high level spells into rocks/ crystals (ie fireball in a fire quartz, stinking cloud in sulphur, etc.) as a surprise tool to help us later for the party), and conflicts (how do other wizardly geologist feel about warlocks?).
A warlock dwarf trying to channel the arcane power of the earth sounds like a super compelling springboard for a character.
I’d think it kind of depends, land druid is probably the closest flavor wise (but you might need to tweak the spell list/ wild shape to focus more on geology), but I could also see something like a warlock working if the stones are a source of arcane power.
Archive.org and cross your fingers?
Very nice!
I was wondering if that’d be possible but was never brave enough to attempt it. I do have another fun intersectional application though: custom stamps. Not nearly as long lived as brass/ metal, but way cheaper especially for low volume, plus you can embed magnets so they stick to an arbor press. (Just remember to hit the top with a quick sanding to knock off any extension artifacts)
Inners amirte?
Humor is admittedly subjective, but I enjoyed the random mismatched and subversion of expectations enough for a chuckle. The trolly problem setup and pretty much every other detail being ultimately irrelevant is rather amusing in an absurdist humor (Hitchhikers Guild) or anti-joke (yo’ Mama’s so fat…
spoiler
That we’re all very concerned for her health
) kind of way.