I eat just so much flesh, so it’s reasonable to go to veganland to tell those silly vegans they’re being silly. Of course I’m going to eat my kill (purchased at the grocery store)! Plants feel pain, so why shouldn’t animals? I’m a biological omnivore, which means I can only eat meat.

And if that bothers you, good! I’m gonna keep telling you more things you’ve never heard before! Did you know that for every animal you don’t eat I eat two?

I’m upset that you’ve decided to live your life in a more fulfilling way that affects me in no way at all. The very idea of making a choice based on your morals instead of your desires disgusts me.

/s of course.

I love all the vegan recipes that make cooking easier and healthier. I’m watching the Great Canadian Baking Show and one guy keeps knocking it out of the park with vegan versions of super egg heavy recipes.

Modern meat alternatives taste 1% different from real meat and they’re processed so that justifies locking up animals and killing them. I’m still right even though it’s all totally unnecessary for my health and staying alive — I oftentimes simply mention tradition and culture to quickly explain my perfect reasoning.

…and there’s not a single yo mama eats meat joke anywhere (sad face)

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