Granted, going vegan is an entire life joice but surely true friends can respect that.
A good friend of mine went vegan turning forty and when he told me it was cool. He often shows me pictures of his pantry and all the vegan food stuff he has, which I call overprocessed junk, while sending him back pictures of vegan/vegetarian dishes I cook from scratch; I like to cook more than he does.
We give each other hell but we’re still friends. I respect him, he respects me in return.
Vegan friends don’t:
- bring non vegan things into your home
- eat non vegan things when out together
- try and give you things with honey, wool, leather, etc.
- tell you about some insane carnist thing and then say, “whooooops, I forgot you’re vegan sorry.”
I completely respect your first, third and fourth remark; those are plainly obtuse and demeaning behaviours. I would also respect a request to not be served non-vegan food when visiting, nor be taken to a place where vegan options are not available.
But why infringe on the other’s freedom by imposing one’s own? That’s disrespecting the same boundaries you mention. Respect goes both ways.
What freedom of yours is it infringing on to not be your friend?
Eta: my veganism isn’t about controlling others, it’s about not wanting to be exposed to corpses and other cruelty.
If you can’t accept others for who and what they are, in the same way you expect to be accepted for who and what you are, it is a sad outcome for all.
I understand your stance but I can’t fully respect it.
I wouldn’t be friends with someone who insisted on using slurs in my presence or engaged in intimate partner violence either, because I don’t want those behaviors in my life.
You might not think it’s harmful, but if I get a choice to hang out with people with shared values vs have to have awkward conversations asking people not to bring corpses to my house, I’m going to choose the vegans.
You are being more than reasonable in your first statement and after all we’ve been exchanging I’m fairly comfortable in risking you don’t even relate with that type of people in your day to day life.
And that was not what I have been talking about.
You have made a life choice. You are free to do so and should be respected for it, even more in your personal space.
Following that, will your choice automatically exclude all the people you know and relate to and with, previous to your changing of life style, even if they respect you and keep wanting to have you as a friend but are not interested in doing the same change in their life?
If the answer is “yes” it is a very harsh outcome and what should be a welcoming philosophy and life style, in my understanding, enters cult and exclusionary territory.
