(when seated in a group with others, i should clarify. if i’m by myself i’m absolutely happy to be on my phone or book)

i genuinely have an issue. it’s like…there’s people on all sides. i need to rest my eyes somewhere, esp in a social setting which is already inherently a bit wearing

  • if you look down at your food, you look sad or disinterested or whatever
  • if you look at the ceiling that’s insane, isn’t it?

so that’s down and up out. let’s look at:

  • the sides, which have people there or nearly there, or obscuring the view of a nice window or painting, and you can’t stare at people.

fuck fuck fuck. what about:

  • the center. oh no. this is the nightmare zone. let’s break it down into 3 sections: the top contains their face, that’s quite insane to look at. downwards, the table across from you with their food, that could seem like you’re looking at their body very intently, can’t do that. the middle? if it’s a woman, then that’s very much bad form. but if you’re a guy generally attracted to women, part of your brain wants to look no matter what, at least a little. and since when you’re sitting, forward is the most natural direction to look (you can’t really turn around or move, particularly), so you keep coming back to it and AHH FUCK

fucking nightmare.

  • stembolts@programming.dev
    2·
    7 months ago

    Scan the room left to right. Quickly. Do it 3-10x. Survey the people.

    Now. Go to the far left person, look at their head. Maintain eye to head contact for 3 seconds. Now with your mouth make a (bzzzrrr) noise and turn your head slowly to the next person. When you stop turning your head make a (kerthnk, zzp) noise. Do this for every person in the restaurant. You now have data on everyone.

    Next step, scan for exits, reposition yourself at the table so that your back faces the nearest structural wall, this will be useful if there is a fire fight. Turn your seat backwards and plant your feet far apart for maximum stability, also granting you the mobility to leap to your feet and dive through a window if necessary.

    I assume you are wearing leather gloves and a bandana, nod to yourself and squeeze your hands a few times to get the blood flowing.

    The server is here, order nuggies and a water. You’ll need your protein, but you are prepared.

    Go forth and conquer the world my child.

  • tal@lemmy.todayEnglish
    2·
    7 months ago

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect

    The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one’s own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others is uncommon. The reason for the spotlight effect is the innate tendency to forget that although one is the center of one’s own world, one is not the center of everyone else’s. This tendency is especially prominent when one does something atypical.[1]

    Research has empirically shown that such drastic over-estimation of one’s effect on others is widely common. Many professionals in social psychology encourage people to be conscious of the spotlight effect and to allow this phenomenon to moderate the extent to which one believes one is in a social spotlight.[2]

  • intensely_human@lemm.ee
    1·
    6 months ago

    I am an autistic person so this is hard-won knowledge and you should take it seriously.

    Look at whoever is speaking to you. Also, contribute to the conversation.

    If you sit there in a group and you never speak or engage with the conversation, there is nowhere you can put your eyes to prevent awkwardness.

    If eye contact is hard for you, suck it up and practice.

    Human culture does not give you a pass just because socializing is hard for you. What is expected is that you make the effort even when it is painful and difficult. That effort is appreciated by those around you, far more than fluidity of interaction.

    People like fluidity because it is a marker that someone has put in the work. The work is the important thing. Making an effort is a signal of devotion to the group.

    That’s why special occasions call for high-effort clothing. That’s why neckties are a thing. The effort is the signal.

    If you do not send the signal that you are making the effort, it will be awkward, people will resent you, and your life will be much harder.

    Eyeball direction is not enough, sorry.

  • nyctre@lemmy.world
    0·
    7 months ago

    While you’re eating, it’s fine to look at your food. When someone’s talking, it’s ok to look at them. All the other times, just look around. Other tables, out the window, decor, other people, etc. As long as you don’t linger, it’s never gonna look weird. Even if you do linger, it’s whatever, just say you enjoy whatever you’re looking at. Decor, someone’s eyeglasses, makeup, whatever.