If they pretend to be happy to see us, we’ll scratch behind their ears and let them forget about the nightmare they live at all times, and secretly they hunger for our blood. But if they slake their thirst and eat our livers, there will be no one to give them scritches.

So they play along despite their ancient hatred and maybe, just maybe, we’ll give them that hard rub on the spot just above the tail. Yah, that one. Oh, god, keep doing that. Yah, do it, you sonofaremoved, or I’ll rip your throat out in your sleep tonight because you’re no use to me anymore.

    • ikidd@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      4·
      2 months ago

      Then you really go to town behind their ears and the sounds they make as they lean into make you understand that no amount of self-manipulation equals the real thing.

      If you were given a choice between jerking yourself off and getting a no-strings-attached blowie, what would you choose?

      Edit: I’m fascinated at the amount of downvotes this comment is gathering, especially in a fluff comm like this. Anyone want to tell me why they’re downvoting? Because sex bad?