So at my uni there’s this middle school aged girl who’s going there. She and I are in the same study group and I said something along the lines of “I wish i got to go to college at your age” (just because I like the class structure more) and she replied with “there are a lot of pedophiles on campus so there’s some trade offs.”
I didn’t like…freak out externally. Luckily I’m good at hiding my emotions. But I just felt sick. Like physically sick. Like i nearly wanted to go throw up in a bin sick.
I don’t even know why specifically I felt like that. To be honest I don’t know how much she was being sarcastic. I don’t know if its that I feel like i can’t trust people at my campus [I already know there are bad people here. No shit. So why would that cause it?], or if its because i felt bad for her for having to be afraid of that [she’s pretty “mature” (for lack of a better term) so i don’t know if that makes sense either] or…I don’t know. I just wanted to tell someone because my therapy appointment got canceled and I just flet really, really bad.
You might have had such a visceral reaction because of the scale and the directness. We all know subconsciously that there are predators out there, but to be suddenly confronted with that reality, especially at the scale of there being ‘lots on campus’, can hit extra hard. The idea of this child not only being aware of them but actively defending herself against them (being ‘adultified’ at such a young age) could also cause a strong reaction.
Essentially, there’s nothing wrong with having that reaction, but if you feel it’s within your power then I’m sure she could use someone looking out for her, and in the process you might feel better too knowing she’s that much safer. It takes a village and all that.
Yeah. I don’t want to be overbearing or anything. I think she’ll be okay. I just know what it was like to grow up so fast and have a lot of expectations placed on me, and…Idk, obviously everything isnt about me. I mean, obviously she’s succeeding where I failed so I think she’s doing fine. Idk. I don’t interact with children that much, and never a child who reminded me so much of, well, me.
A few reframings might help here:
We can be protective without being overbearing. She probably doesn’t need a bodyguard but if a creep is pushing boundaries a minor intervention is warranted. Most predators are opportunistic so merely denying them opportunity will ward off most of them. An ear to the ground or the ‘whisper networks’ probably wouldn’t hurt either.
I’ve seen no areas where you’ve ‘failed’ so a bit of compassion for yourself might be warranted. Life is fucking hard and we aren’t all born with the same opportunities. A lot of us had to grow up a bit fast, and if we’re being honest helping others is often a route to subconsciously processing our own traumas. That’s healthy enough, just don’t lose yourself in the process.