sorry to hear that :( honestly, hating the chemical randomness of one’s brain is something so relatable. so as to not feel anger or self-hatred i try to just think this is random and strange and out of my hands. i want to just survive this weird tumult and coast through it as best i can, sometimes just detaching myself from the world or being a bit mindless for a while, if i can afford it. i dont know if this is applicable or resonant advice at all.