I’ve known since I was a kid that I’m depressed. I even have infant photos of me, where I look like I just hate life. Other baby photos the baby is smiling, and interested in everything. Whereas I look like even though I’m too young to even have thoughts, I’m still giving off body language of “leave me alone”.
But when I started asking everyone I knew if they too were depressed, I haven’t gotten one single person to say that they’re happy. Everyone has said they’re depressed. So now I wonder if it’s a regional thing, or if everyone everywhere is depressed.
I remember just giving up on life in second grade, refusing to participate or do anything because I was sad. Got tested a bunch after that and given pills that mad me a zombie.
There on out I was treated as a weird kid and that brought a different kind of sadness. Puberty added anger and suicidal ideation. The knowledge that I was fucked up, the world was fucked up, and my life wasn’t going to work out.
Years later here I am, living with the knowledge I was right and watching myself fail at life, finding no joy or peace in anything. Everything is an open sore. Wondering when I’ll get to a point where I rage quit.
I think most of the people I know are anxious or depressed, or both. Hut I don’t know of anyone close to me who is at my level.