I’m a man and so far this has happened only with other men, but I’m genuinely baffled as to why some people do this. It has happened thrice so far in 3 different work settings:
One was a fifty-ish coworker who, 3 minutes after knowing me started a monologue/rant: ‘I’m very Christian, there are too many migrants and refugees in this country, when their wars are over, we have to send them all back’. Kept repeating the ‘very Christian’ part quite often and talking about his conservative wife. I sat there, not knowing how to react until he said ‘but let’s not talk about politics’. We parted ways. I didn’t work with him after that.
Another one is even better: no more than 4 minutes after knowing him on our first shift together: ‘democrats and unions are useless (this was working in an unionized hospital where the union got us a raise, including his), there are too many Arabs in America, if Biden keeps letting migrants in, there’s going to be another civil war, when Trump wins everything is going to be better, you’re lucky to be only part Mexican, because you don’t look too dark. When I was younger I was a right wing extremist, but not anymore and I’m not racist, because I’m married to a Croat.’
Speechless as well. How do I react to that?
The third one was not so unhinged, but opened his wallet to show me pictures of his service in the navy and then started to talk about his health issues. 20 minutes in our first shift together.
Why do some men do this?
Is this a way to test the waters to see how ideologically similar we are? Not everyone is going to think like you. Why alienate coworkers?
I’d never talk about my health issues with a person I barely know. You put yourself in a position to be exploited.
Do only older white conservative men do this?
Crazy people do this. It’s a gender neutral issue. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. Best you can do is not respond anymore than necessary with hope they’ll move on to the next person.
I’m usually blunt about it and say, ‘I’m just here to work and go home, there is no reason for you to tell on yourself like this.’ I can’t waste emotional bandwidth on these types of people. Naturally it depends on the severity and gross factor of whatever they are trying to emotionally dump how much verbal force I use to shut them down.
As a long time ago, I observed a pattern of the types of people who do that. Heading it off before it can begin by remaining neutral and distant towards them. Using brief sentences to communicate, working alongside them without fostering any camaraderie.
I’ve noticed a wider range of people than older white conservative men, however, they seem more likely to with other men. I’ve had a wide range of people from young, old women attempt this while I was working. I act a bit more polite in those situations, but defended my boundaries.
the very christian guy sounds like he’s trying to cover something up. may be closeted gay with an affair with a migrant or so idk. he’s preemptively telling you his cover story, so when the truth reaches you, you’ll be like “very Christian racist guy would never”.
the other racist ones could be of the sort “if i don’t get disputed, they are silently agreeing”. you have multiple options to deal with that. for example, telling HR, who may be interested in protecting the company from a racist image, or you could mention to coworkers, you suspect they are racist. both could lead to them leaving the company. speaking from personal experience, but i’m in EU.
