Why did I start reading this to the tune of YMCA?

I flip flop. Sometimes I just space, sitting there and perfectly content with doing, well, nothing. When I tried SSRIs/SNRIs this got way worse. I’d lay in bed, not even getting up for the day, and stare at the ceiling. Perfectly happy with nothing. Not really depressed, not really anxious, just nothing. Escitalopram was the worst at doing this. I had to stop because between this, the anorgasmia, constant RLS all the way up to my arms, and sleeping 4 hours and feeling wide awake/manic- it was a nightmare. However, my niece made it through the two-week side effects and loves it, so it varies.

Not counting medicine, I do understand what you’re going through to some extent. My dad had a seizure when I was a kid and I was right there for it. It was terrifying. I was scared. But my brain just kicked off and I went completely calm. I pretty much directed the whole situation without emotion as adults twice my age completely panicked. I was thirteen. On really bad days, I feel like there’s nothing outside my window. That everyone else isn’t real and that I’m the only existence, just sitting in a box. I go full panic mode. Other times I’m just way too hyper. I talk way too much and even though I don’t do anything wrong, I feel like I was annoying and hate myself for days.

The only non-medicinal suggestion I can give you is to try getting some fidget toys. Little boxes with buttons and joysticks, stuff like that. Sometimes it can kick your brain back on simply by focusing on them. I have a clicker and a Jigglypuff stress squeezer, myself. I really hope you can find something that works for you and don’t stop looking until you do find it.

Sometimes it’s better to put something in your big book of sailor’s secrets and not ask around too much.

Mum’s the word.

I can respect this. I have all this creativity, 98th percentile in creative writing standard tests in the US (SATs, but this was also a while back), and I can’t ever get beyond the start of a book before I’m bored, hate it, feels like work. I’m immediately drawn to other, shinier things to do. Forget neurospicy, I feel neuroblocked. I’m neuroselective of what I want to neurodo.

It’s like drowning, but you can pick from a bunch of tiny straws poking up in the water to get air. Some days you want the yellow straw, oh but wait the green straw looks good… but there’s that temptress the red straw in the corner, the sly devil. Sometimes you just want to breathe so you grab multiple straws in one day. Sometimes no straws look good and you just drown that day. However, by ADHD law, you can never use the same straw twice in a week.

Seeding is a good way to be a good pirate. Some sites show your seed to leech ratio. As a rule of thumb, I usually try to seed double what I leech, but if I find something niche without a lot of seeders I try to maintain until the seeder rate becomes healthy. Simply put, you just don’t delete or stop the torrent after its completely downloaded and don’t quit your client. Just let it keep going.

You may find that your internet speed drops when seeding. In that case, most clients have a way to cap your upload speeds. Most modern internet speeds can keep up though; it used to be required way back when dial-up and DSL was more prevalent. You know, the good old times of spending three days downloading a movie to find out that it was scat porn.