Maybe your employer will accept a statutory declaration instead of a doctor’s certificate. Mine does.

Humans can grow up to eight feet. Most of them only grow posthumously, hence the expression, “six feet under.”

Explanation:

Gending Machine

“What creature walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon and three in the evening?”

A kobold. In the morning it scurries around on all fours, trying to get everything in order before its master wakes up. At midday, it stands at attention before its master. By the evening, it gets tired and leans on its tail a bit.